Everybody Wanna Be Next, But Few Wanna Be Ready

To the woman I haven’t met yet or HAVE I — the one I’ve been praying for, the one I’m preparing for — this is my love letter to you. But it’s also a confession to the world, because everybody keeps asking me the same thing: “Pastor, what’s next for your love life? Who’s gonna be the next Mrs. Hayes?”

Truth is, everybody wanna be next, but few wanna be ready. And if I’m being real, I wasn’t ready before. I was married once, and I’ll never lie about it: I failed. Not because I didn’t love, but because I didn’t lead. I was the Pastor to the church, but I never pastored my home. I was busy preaching sermons to the world but not living them inside my walls. I carried a Bible in my hands but left wounds in my wife’s heart. That’s on me.

I don’t blame nobody. I point the finger at myself. My distractions, my ego, my flesh — they all cost me something I can’t get back. I numbed pain with alcohol, women, attention, and validation. I thought success in the streets and in the pulpit would cover the emptiness in my soul. But the truth? I was a broken man trying to hold together a broken marriage.

That’s why I had to stop. Stop dating. Stop sleeping around. Stop using sex like a bandage for bullet wounds. I had to sober up, sit down, and finally deal with the man in the mirror. Right now, I’m walking through my divorce, but I’ve already divorced the old me. I’m healing scars, not hiding them. I’m taking time to become whole.

And sis, if you’re reading this — future wife — I need you to know this: I’m not rushing to you. I’m preparing for you.

Healing Before Having

Everybody wants love, but not everybody wants healing. And I’ve learned the hard way: if you don’t heal, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

That’s why the next 12–18 months for me ain’t about chasing women, it’s about chasing wholeness. I don’t want to be another statistic. Black men already face divorce at a higher rate, with second marriages failing at nearly 60%. Too many blended families collapse because people tried to build a house with broken bricks. I refuse to add my name to that list.

I’ve got kids to raise, a church to shepherd, businesses to run. God has blessed me with a full plate:

• 24 Hour Faith Church — the ministry that’s my heartbeat.

• Royal Touch Partnership — the software and marketing company I built to empower entrepreneurs.

• Taste of Kansas City — a festival I’m pushing to bring culture, food, and community together.

• Books — Fasting With Force, Posted With Power, and From the Streets to the Screen.

• Community work — from barbershops to block parties, from mentoring to ministry.

My life is full of projects and purpose. What I need is a woman who don’t just fall in love with the Pastor or the businessman, but who can stand with the man — flawed, focused, forgiven.

That’s why I won’t come to you bleeding. When we meet, I’ll be whole.

Standards Over Settling

So let me say it plain: I’m not looking for perfect, but I am looking for prepared.

Here’s what I need and what I’m praying for in my next wife:

• A woman of God. Not just in Instagram captions, not just in church outfits, but in lifestyle. I want a woman who worships when nobody’s watching. Somebody little girls can look up to and grown women can respect. A woman who prays with me, not just for me.

• Freak in the sheets, first lady in the streets. I’m keeping it 100, because intimacy matters. My wife will be my only lover, and I want that flame strong forever. But when we walk outside, I want her to carry herself with grace, elegance, and class. A true queen.

• A mother and a business partner. I need a woman who loves kids — mine and ours. Someone who can nurture at home and still sit at the table with me in meetings, helping make decisions. Somebody who can shift from prayer warrior to partner in profit.

• Beautiful inside and out. I don’t need a face full of makeup every day. I love natural beauty. I love a woman with her own hair, her own glow, her own confidence. Be able to dress it up when you want, but know you’re already enough just how you are.

• Trustworthy with my kids and my calling. Money don’t move me. You can have a six-figure job or be building your dream — I don’t care. What I care about is your faith. Can I trust you to love my children? Can I trust you to guard the vision God gave us?

• A helpmate and a homemaker. I still believe in a wife that takes pride in her home. I’m not saying be a maid, but yes — cook, clean, create peace. And I’ll do my part too. I’ll provide, protect, and be present.

Red Flags I Won’t Ignore

Now let me be clear — everybody wanna be next, but not everybody qualifies. I’m not looking for perfect, but I refuse to repeat my past mistakes.

Red flags for me are simple:

• Too many kids, especially with different daddies. I have kids already. If you’ve got more than me, it leaves no room for us to create together.

• Clubbing and partying often. I’ve outgrown that lifestyle. If you love God but never step foot in His house, that’s a red flag.

• Skinny frame. I love thick women. I like curves. Period.

• No real walk with God. Don’t tell me you love Him if you don’t follow Him. Church, prayer, and worship are not optional in my household.

• Unwilling to build a home. If cooking, cleaning, and creating peace are foreign to you, we won’t last.

Red Flags of a Woman of my PAST!

Even worse than misalignment is manipulation. And I’ve lived enough to recognize when a woman don’t love you — she loves what you give her.

• She only comes around when money’s good, but vanishes when life gets hard.

• She spends freely but saves nothing. Always asking for more but never bringing value.

• She has no love for your kids — only love for herself.

• She loves being seen on your arm, but hates helping behind closed doors.

• She takes emotionally, sexually, and mentally, but never pours back in.

• She uses sex, silence, or guilt to control you.

• She talks big about her goals, but never supports your vision.

I don’t want a woman who wants what I do. I want a woman who wants who I am.

My Promise Back

Now let me balance this. Because this ain’t a checklist just for you — it’s accountability for me.

If I want a freak in the sheets, I’m coming correct in the bedroom too. If I want a homemaker, I’ll come home with groceries and gratitude. If I want a praying wife, I’ll be a praying husband.

I’ll meet every expectation I place. I’ll submit as much as I lead. The Bible says husbands and wives submit to one another. My wife won’t just be my queen — she’ll be my partner. I’ll cover her, protect her, provide for her, and push her dreams just as much as mine.

My wife won’t walk behind me. She won’t walk ahead of me. She’ll walk beside me.

The Bigger Picture

In the next 12–18 months, I see myself whole. Healed. Ready. I see myself standing at the altar again, not ashamed of my past but thankful for it, because it built me.

And my wife — wherever she is right now — I hope she’s preparing too. Getting her finances in order. Healing her wounds. Walking with God. Becoming whole so that when we meet, we don’t just fall in love — we build a legacy.

I’m not looking for a perfect woman who checks every box. That’s fantasy. I’m looking for a prepared woman who fits most of them, because this ain’t about perfection, it’s about purpose.

Everybody wanna be next. But few wanna be ready.

So if you’re reading this — my future wife — know that I’m not ready yet, but I’m getting ready. And when God says it’s time, I’ll be everything you prayed for, and you’ll be everything I prayed for. And together, we’ll be more than next. We’ll be forever.